Are you passing or expelling?
Pardon?
When you flatulate…
Yes?
Is that just passing gas
Or do you actually expel matter?
Pardon?
You DO hear yourself flatuate…do you not?
Only in my mind. I doubt anyone else would notice.
You do? …Doubt?
I am subtle about it.
Discreet.
Indeed.
Are you aware that we can hear you down the hall…?
What?
Yes, indeed. Down in the dining room, where we are all
gathered and enjoying …were…enjoying the company of twenty four guests until
they stopped enjoying ‘our company’…
Because…I….?
Yes. Mother announced that she'd made a fresh toot fart...
Oh Mum....Well you can go back in there…tell them I did NOT soil my trousers…and
there’ll be nary a peep, nor a poop, from these cheeks or this quarter for the
rest of the evening….put the matter to bed…out of their heads… and enjoy their
delightful fruit tarts without further eruption!
That’s very civil of you.
I’ll take a long walk out in the garden if need be…
It’s bitter cold out there! You can’t go out alone!
Maybe if I freeze me arse off it might save the family
dignity.
……..you are
considering it…ain’t ‘cha?
Of course not. But if you must, take a cap and mittens.
Given the calling, mittens might not be suitable attire for a night-crap.
In that case, bundle the bollucks.
I shall. Did I say I was sorry?
You did. Now, not to worry. Back to bed.
G’Nite, son.
Love you Dad.
