a chance conversation...
My Wasband, the former “Mister”, …. feel free to use that
term. I coined it, and you may use it. Yes, thank you, I thought you’d like
it...
The Wasband was from Pithville, P. – A.
Of course I abused it, how could I not. I told him any poor sot from
Piss-ville doesn’t deserve the likes of me! And sure enough, one day he decided
to leave. There was a note that said “You’re right. Goodbye.”
I’m not very proud of what I did to
the man. I pounded him too hard, I presume. Hard quick body blows were my
specialty. Stiff shots to the ribs and psyche. Takes their breath away. Tires
them out. I don’t play that way anymore. I don’t play, period. I learned that
about myself. I hurt people so I can love them later…or some such horsescrap…my
shrink….my shrink is an uptight bitch with a stick up her ass, and I tell her,
“By-the-minute, honey, you make more money than anyone in the entire county…and
that includes whores and politicians.”
She doesn’t much like it, but I pay
the bills and have the connections and she feeds off the likes of me. She’s a
society junkie who crosses and tramples all ethical and professional boundaries
necessary just to get close enough
to sniff a whiff of rich asshole. I know that’s crude, and I’m workin’ on it,
but it’s also true.
But, okay…you’re not here to talk
about my back-story. Let’s talk about the Foundation. I was at the President’s
dinner over at the University last night. Thought the winds would blow away all
the tents, but they didn’t and it turned out alright, at least as much as those
functions go. I fund the Horticulture School research lab. It’s got my name on
the building. It was his idea. The irony here, I guess, is that he’s long gone
and the building stands with MY name on it. “Piss off to Pissville, peasant…”
is basically what I told him, and damned if he didn’t. Married some young cutie
he taught in goddamn high school, if you can believe that. My Uncle Ray, he
privately held a chain of groceries and a lot of land up by the Bay area. It’s
family land, or it was until we sold it…sold the groceries to a chain. My Uncle
Ray always said, given the substantial wealth of the family… “You can not trust
the motives of outsiders, especially suitors.” He was always suspicious of
Riggs…thought he was a …you know…thought he was way out of his element. Thought
maybe he rose high enough to suffer nose bleed at Thanksgiving dinner, but no,
that was my doin’ plain and simple.
But let’s talk about “the trail”,
shall we? I love the Hopper Trail…walk it everyday…sun up and sundown. My knees
aren’t too good so I need to walk. It’s painful at times, but the trail, it
soothes my soul. I love the Gnarly-Gnome Oak, do you know the one? ...contorted
roots twisting up through the rock?….and the shale bluffs, the creek, the
trout. I don’t like snakes but you have to accept them. We had a mountain lion
scare two months back. Coyotes will snatch your cats right off your patio. But
my god, living IN the world and not sheltered from it…!
This is where Riggs and I parted company. I knew he was bored silly once
he was fired from the university and all he had to look at all day was me. In
those days I was restricted to the wheelchair….before I could get around
again…but, eventually he got
around…too much. He was the hit
of the club. Everybody just loved charming Riggs. That stopped with his
“egregious impropriety” and the club regrets losing this member here, and had
he stayed I’d have personally seen he lost his own, I assure you. Afterwards, I was inconsolable for a
bit and I down-sized to a smaller place. Better for me not be with that
‘community-club crowd’, but I’m
right down the canyon with a hot spring pool and Jacuzzi. Helps me so much….
Okay, you didn’t want to know all
this, so let’s get on with the topic at hand. The trail will have markers, maps
and placards identifying specific trees and various native species. It will
have plaques at landmarks, like the Horseman’s Bridge, and there will be an
updated “posting” board for local wildlife sightings. Not just snakes and
mountain lion sightings…but deer, and bobcats…racoons and skunks. There were
bear here five years ago…so, you never know. The Bird people want their own
board, which is fine with me. There’s trout in there the size of my arm. I see
them, they like the hot spring water vents, and the confluence of smaller
streams. You’d think they know they’re
protected, they’re so casual. It’s quite a joyful place, and it gives me a lot
of pleasure to support it.
How’s that?
Hell, no, you cannot take my
picture. My niece handles all my shots. Call her. We have PR stills, but don’t
be taking any. I usually appear with dignitaries, but only if required….but a
shot, now..Like this?! Please!….not one in the last 8 years, so don’t take it
personal that I still have my vanity about me. I was never bell of the ball so
there wasn’t much vanity to begin with, believe me.
Doe this conclude this interview?
It’s a puff piece really. Be sure to visit the trail. If you ever want to get
some wonderful, deep state history about
the family we can arrange an interview or a speaking engagement….
Where does this run? Just local or
syndicated? Okay, yes, local makes sense. That’s fine, probably no papers in
Piss-ville anyhow.
