Ether Publishing Competition -
"8 Stories in 8 Days"
Subject: 'Hats'
(500 words <)
“What’s with the sombrero?”
“It’s a momento.”
“A momento?”
“Yes. Si. …de Mexico.”
“I see. And you plan to wear this onboard?”
“I’ll remove it if I must. I’m not looking to be rude or
intrude on anyone’s personal space, if that’s what you’re alluding to.”
“I do not ‘allude’. I asked a direct question.”
“I assume you foresee a pending problemo with mi sombrero?”
“You are assuming I allude, when in fact I asked you a
direct question.”
“What’s with the sombrero? is a direct question? Sounds like vaguery to me.”
“I understand. Allow me to restructure my query - ‘What
are your intentions, as you are donning a large sombrero in our airport?’ At the
very least, you must admit I did
ask if you were planning on wearing it onboard, did I not?”
“You did, and the last thing I want to do is get hung up in
the semantics of this conversation. I have a plane to catch.”
“That may depend on the sombrero.”
“What?!”
“Your chapeau…”
“Okay, okay…got that. Clever. But how does this Hat affect me catching my flight?”
“May I see your tickets?”
“Yes, of course, but I have just the one. I am traveling
alone.”
“Ah! You see, this is where we disagree. I believe, your
sombrero and you will require seating for two.”
“WHAT?!”
“Dos. Perhaps tres…the airline will determine that.”
“That’s preposterous! It’s a goddam hat for chrissakes! Why
are you crossing yourself? …oh, yes, sorry…I apologize for offending you…for
being so insensitive…so crude. Perdóneme.”
“It’s okay, we hear worse. It’s just something my mother
instilled in me…the crossing…very religious. Superstitious…”
“Oh I understand. My mother? Spilled salt…over the shoulder.
No shoes on the bed…bad luck.”
“Also, very unsanitary. But you’ll still need two seats.”
“How can that be? I’ll put in the overhead!…or under the
seat!”
“Are you being serious with me, or simply deluding yourself?
Do you see the size of this hat? Look,
take it off. Go ahead, get out from under it. Set it down and step back. Now,
look at that. Do you really see this hat fitting under a seat, or in the
overhead rack?”
“Well…”
“How tall are you, senor ? Six feet?
“Close. A tad under six…”
“Hold the hat against you. That’s right. What do you see?”
“I can see you…”
“Yes, and I see your eyes, but not much else. I would say
that was five feet, at least, would you not?”
“I suppose.”
“You would fill your row with the hat alone.”
“I get it. This is a shakedown. You expect a bribe!”
“Ah! Sorry, senor, one step too far…”
“Meaning?”
“Your hat can go.”
“Great. How much?”
“Whatever you paid for your ticket…”
“Four hundred dollars?! For a hat! Are you serious?!”
“Your hat can go and take your seat, but you will stay and
meet our police.”
“No! I can’t! I have to get back…”
“And when you do, may your sombrero be there to greet you.”
