Tuesday, December 1, 2015

FOR CAPERS


Killed on a Sunday morning, doing a favor for a friend. A run for capers, because who can have a lox plate without them. He agreed, and suggested he grab another bottle of bubbly, and juice for mimosas, as well.
Just a dash, be right back.

But that never happened. 

As arbitrary as  could be, a ladder, dropped in the lanes, from a truck bed …moments before…strewn upon impact by the one car that failed to react with the others, swerving up ahead, colliding and sending the ladder  careening into the air and through his windshield. Blinded, he immediately, instinctively, braked. Tires screeched all around him, but miraculously, amid the massive skids, there were no collisions.  There was a moment of quiet – a reality check, scented by fresh burned rubber…but all survived. With the help of some cooperative fellow drivers… while still impaled…he hobbled his Nissan safely over to the shoulder,  and fortunately, not far from a call box, because he had left his cell phone behind. He took a deep breath as his hands started to shake - a result of  delayed-shock. Then, He laughed, hearing himself explain the delay, knowing she would say, “this stuff only happens to you…for capers, yet! ”

She’d be right, of course. The laughter relaxed him, just giddy to be alive, he drew in a deep breath, and knew he had to get himself some assistance in this situation. Traffic was building back up to speed…and then some, as there were those that took exception to ‘his big mistake’ and the delays he had caused them.

(Hey, this is LA… people have important shit to do or they wouldn’t fuckin’ be here.)
 
Okay, he got it. First order of business, remove the “penetrater” and find what, or if, he could see out the windshield, and drive himself off. It may have sounded simple but it was not possible from within the vehicle because the aluminum was bent and twisted from impact. 

He would have to step out and yank it free from over the hood. That’s when it happened. As tightly as he was situated, his door swung into the lane as he exited, and the next vehicle took them both out.

For Capers…





V

Thursday, November 26, 2015

THE MINISTER AND THE MISTRESS



I know. These streets aren’t too friendly to foot traffic, yet I go. It’s a matter of what I do, who I am, and the fact that, I’ve grown to not-give-a-damn.  There’s no magic formula, you either survive, or get out while  you can.

The Minister…the Priest…Shaman…whatever…he called me on rainy Saturday, around noon. He said he had a matter to discuss. He and I had brushed against one another on the streets, but never really connected.
The Priest knew of some scheme…some plot of singular service…it bothered his consciousness and rattled his soul. I could not refuse. I told him I’d meet him at three, it was no-trouble for me and easy for him. We met at the little coffee shop on Grand. Because of the weather, business was slow, so we managed to grab a corner table.
There was little time for civil chitchat. He was rattled, so as I sugared my coffee, he got to the point.
It seems the Minister’s “mission” had assumed the “position’, one-too-many times. He slid me a photo.
She was dark, olive skin, raven black hair, deep eyes…a guy could get lost…
He went on about the blackmail : Word goes out about the affair unless he gives up his property at ‘a bargain’. His ‘property’, bequeathed to him by a loopy octogenarian, was a rundown old walkup, with promise, but required some serious restoration. However, the property was still in probate, so any hint of scandal could torpedo the entire deal. A Developer was thought to be culprit, buying up city blocks, and she, the mistress in this mess, was in his employ.
It worked for me.
Hell, anything would work for me at this point.




V

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

THE RUN-OFF



Just a lunatic

seeking his fringe

and as it turns out,
there is no edge
to the universe.

It is
infinitely
Infinite

As infinite
As the lunacy
That permeates
                      The mad man
             The mad man
                  The mad man

Don’t blame him
He yearns
to understand
To learn
but that knowledge
doesn’t get absorbed

washed out
like yesterday’s
laundry
the runoff
escapes through
drafty channels
long ago
abandoned



V


Friday, October 30, 2015

THE JACKALOPE


William didn’t mean to be walking on that side of the street, and yet, it did not occur to him to avoid it for any particular reason. I mean, it made a certain sense, in that most of the shops in which William might stop, were there, and handy, but William wasn’t in need of anything in particular, so he ambled, unabated, and passed by those plate windows without noticing.
But then one thing DID catch his eye, and froze him in his tracks when it did. Regaining his composure, he walked right up to the glass and pressed his forehead against it. There in the second-hand window was a jackalope lamp! Authentic! It claimed.
He was struck and amazed at the moment. He had to have it. But the store, being what it was, a second-hand shop, was not always open during business hours…at least during it’s business hours, which were entirely random and carefree. As of right now, the sign said “SHUT”. And shut she was.
He peered inside, not believing the sign. Still as a chapel. Maybe someone in back…out of sight…so he knocked, and knocked louder but no one came.
He jotted down the name and number and called, immediately, when he got home. The phone rang and rang , but no machine, and no answer.
“This is no way to run a business,” he thought, as he dialed…and so went the rest of his day, calling to no avail.
The next day he made sure to be awake by ten, so he had a chance to secure the lamp. He figured the owner of the shop would open and wait, and if the day was slow, they’d just shut it down. He made sure to be early, at least by his standards, and probably theirs.
He stood in front of the shop, at eleven, hat in hand, a slight trembling at the sight of it. He was hesitant, as he approached. “Why?” he wondered. The sign was down. He was buoyed. He tried the knob and it turned. A “dingle” announced his arrival.
He breathed in, and immediately was surrounded by the dust of a thousand souls gathering. So meticulously pack-ratted, so sort of sorted, so misguided in it’s guidance, as to make perfect sense of the mayhem. And up she popped. She’d been seated at a desk, all a clutter, behind a counter full of same. He could have easily missed her, and he did.
“Do come in. Don’t let out the cat. Come in…come in.”
“Oh! You’re here!”
“Where would you expect me to be?”
“Of course. I was wondering if …”
“Yes?”
…and at that moment William came to realize he could appear too eager, and it might affect the price. He recanted the thought and said he’d “…just look”. Best play it cagey at this early stage.
“Of course,” she said, but went on to say, “if you have your eye on the jackalope, I’m afraid there’s been a deposit.”
“A deposit?”
“A gentleman paid me to hold it, until he could go gather his wallet. Seems he left it at the gym. He’ll be back this afternoon…”
“Wait. I’m here now. I AM interested, and I AM willing to pay.”
“I couldn’t do that.”
“Oh please. Of course you can. I’ll even reimburse you his “holding fee”. What do you say?”
“Puts me in a awkward position…can’t be trusted to keep my word.”
“Look. How much is it?”
“Makes no difference to you…”
“Please.”
“Two hundred.”
“TWO HUNDRED!!!”
“…gentleman gave me fifty to hold it. I can’t disappoint him…”
“TWO FIFTY! Kee – rist!”
“No swearing in here, “ she admonished.
“Sorry. Sorry. Just overcome by the price…I..”
“Then that settles it, and the gentleman can have his lamp.”
“No, wait. I’ll offer two seventy five if it will fit on my credit card.”
She studied him carefully, and said “Shall we check?”
He went into his pocket, extracted the wallet, and dug out the card. His hand only trembled slightly, as he handed it over. She walked back to the counter, and swiped the card. APPROVED.
“Well, we know you got something left on this. Do you still want to make the purchase.”
“I do.”
“Very well. You drive a hard bargain, but commerce is commerce.”
“Exactly.”
“Let’s ring it up and see if it flies!”
He watched as she added the tax on an adding machine, and came up with the total. Two seventy five. He swallowed hard as she placed the order. Time stood still for a long while.
APPROVED.
He let out his breath and laughed with relief. It was his!
She offered to wrap it, as best she could, and he, wanting no one to interfere with his getting this thing home…he said, “Yes.”
“You’ll have to lend a hand.”
“Sure thing,” he said, just dying to handle it.
So together they started wrapping the jackalope, and as they did...turning it over...William caught a glimpse. “What’s this? It’s a price tag. It says…forty-nine dollars.”
“That was an old tag. That’s what I paid for it years ago.”
“I’m suspect…maybe this IS the price and you made up the story of the ‘other gentleman’ altogether!”
“Would I do that?”
“Would you?”
“See the sign…”
ALL SALES FINAL
“How did you know I would bite?”
“I sat in this very chair, yesterday afternoon, and watched as you…as you were overcome.”
“No one was here. I didn’t see you. No one answered the knock!”
“We were closed.”
“But you were here!”
“And we were closed.”
“And you watched.”
“And I watched.”
“I’ll be damned” he said. Having had enough, he swept the jackalope up in his arms and left. It was his, nevertheless.
He was so willing to accept defeat, it almost hurt, but once the door closed behind him, she rejoiced. Then she set another jackalope in the window and closed for the day.







V

Thursday, October 22, 2015

WHERE'S THE CRIME ?





There you are. Did you think I would never find you? Did you think you’d pull a fast one…maybe I’d forget you?

Sure, you danced through without a care, but don’t dare think I forgot you. I just needed the time to get around to you. They all do…get, ‘got to’, in time, you know.

Finnely did, and it wasn’t pretty, but, then, even Finnely had to finally agree, it was way past his time, so he successfully succumbed.

A passing, without the pity. 

That's the way to go.




V


Friday, October 16, 2015

Red Rodent



There was a red rodent
sighting in Echo Park.
Not far from the fountain.
He seemed to be hunkered over
in serious conversation
with the ducks.
Then Frogs entered the fray,
the Geese couldn’t stay away,
the squirrels made a ruckus
an agitation amongst us
…and it built
into this panic.
But the rodent escaped,
slipping unsighted,
into  night.
And the next thing you know
he’s walking a high-wire
over the Harbor interchange.
Downtown.
Dawn.
Pressing his luck.
Got away with it.
This time.­­




V