Ma?

 

 

 
 

Mum...yer BUMM...

 

Mum? Mum? Yer BUMM?

- Yes?

It's on display.

- ...the hell is it you say?

It's exposed to us...

- (Tell me you're joking)

...for all to see.

- But I feel no breeze.

While your buttocks block escape routes...breaks numerous fire codes...

- HEY! Don't be pokin' this fat rump!

Frankly, Madame, your behind is in the way of passage.. and to a pressing degree.

- And I might say, to my great dismay...but I carry it with pride, because who else can claim to be so wide?

We'll expound on that later, Madame, but if you'd move IT along in the meantime...

- Okay! Okay!

The crowd, in its wake, partakes, yet parts like the Sea of Galilee. Making narrow room now entombed suddenly in a very shrunken hallway, for her passge.

They gasped as she heaved forward, shifting her cumbersome ballast while encountering the constrained staircase ahead.

Your derriere, it fills the air! - called a pusher's failing voice.

- Enough with your rhyming! I need to take a break. Can I sit?

Sit? ...Ok. Let us back off and wait for a signal. For a moment only...take a load off...

- So, just drop it anywhere and relax?

Well, no.

- ….you know, like a big bags of groceries?

Discreetly dropped. Then, once you've rested, we can get you back on your feet, and out the door! Please cooperate.

- Please?

That's the last time I say it.

- Oh-kay. Help me up.

I'm not sure I'm up to the task...

- You got a jammed elevator and a super-jammed hallway, so the problem's yours for now... My ass is your task. Me? I'm comfortable but a bit too tight right here. Its just your luck because I am stuck.

I regret the timing, and wish it could have been more convenient, but this has to stop. Now straighten your dress and lets get out of this mess, shall we?

- You got to Give the BUMM a big run, now!

No, Ma'm. I don't,,,

- If you're going to dislodge me, you've got no choice but to oblige me, so best you give it your best shot, Sugar. I mean...GIVE IT TO ME!!!!

He supposed he blacked out for a spell. 

As we went airborne out the third story window – glass shattering, but only a smattering lingering behind in time, as we passed through it like snowflakes, on our way down below bound to introduce ourselves to the wet street-scape approaching rapidly in slow motion. 

Alas, MASS ruled the equation as her bulk bounced first, followed by mine, crashing down and under her cheeky derriere, at the same time, plowing her asunder, And while I ricocheted up and away, I had to wonder, 

"...did her ass just save mine?" 

 

V

some luck, some fortitiude

I got a wobble in my hobble, man, and I don't fuckin' like it. Twitch here, there... there... a twitch... there...if only I could control it, but it must be hair... bet it's growin' wherever it ain't supposed to. 

But as it is, I could get from here to there, but I might veer off in my approach, due to my impaired ineptitude, bodily distractions, and poor mechanical machinations, and I do hope I made that clear.

And, yes, challenges do arise. Just “poof” they arrive. So do hurricanes... They unleash their forces, take their toll, and depart. Leaving behind a barren landscape, raped and ravaged by that brilliant burst of madness. Powerless in it's presence. And in it's wake, if you can stand, you go on. If you unable to stand, and you crawl first, still you go on, but in a different place at a different pace. A place where you might take seed and prosper. Some luck, some fortitude, that's what I see.

 

 

 

 

V

apprehensive evelyn

 Evelyn was apprehensive and who could blame her? They had called and claim they just want to talk. Evelyn wanted to know what the talk involved but they insisted the talk would be in person and would reveal everything. This gave her an uneasy feeling, so much so that she decided to terminate the call. They made several attempts to reach her that day but she ignored the urging. The subject, though, stuck with her and caused her to be restless and mindless. It would be an uneasy night of sleep and she woke up groggy but bothered. And once again the phone rang. She was in no mood and decided to share her perturbation.

“What do you want?” She blurted.

“Everything will be clear if we could just speak”

‘I’d feel better if I could have someone here. I don’t know who you are or what you’re up to.”

“I’m afraid we can’t operate in that manner but can assure you we do not pose a risk.”

“We? Why is there a ‘we’? Why not just the one?”

“It’s for our protection.”

“So you have protection but I have none?”

“For both our protection”

“I hardly see that...more an intimidation on your part and I’d be out numbered .”

“Ma’am, I can do ...”

“I’ll give you fair warning. I will be packing.”

“Packing?”

“My lunch...or, maybe a pistol. My husband left it to me. Never thought I’d need it, but...it might be liverwurst”

“It would be of benefit to you, not to share that information.”

“It's just lunch, and you let me determine that. Okay, come by...broad daylight...afternoon sometime. So a brown bag might not be too conspicuous.”

“If there's a bag, I'd suggest it be empty. This afternoon be convenient?”

She paused to consider her answer.  Quick, but complete - “Okay, but you better be straight.”

She hung up feeling the pangs of uncertainty, and went in search of the gun.

 

 

 V

COOP

 

• 
  
  

  The boys in town knew better than to test fate and come calling on Roseanne without making sure that her old man was not still around. Over the years he had only become more ornery and suspicious, and vented his anger toward whomever dared to come calling without hearing them out. With growing trepidation, Cornell decided to take a chance and come calling, and as luck would have it the cantankerous bastard had ridden into town with a neighbor to claim his package from the combined post office and general store and they experienced some trouble with the old truck’s starter. He grew increasingly irate with the neighbor and belittled him relentlessly until the neighbor had had enough and once the starter was repaired he left the old buzzard behind. This left him with no option but to phone his daughter and demand she drive to town to pick him up even though she was only fifteen and had limited driving experience. The phone rang several times, hung up, and rang again and again, but there was no answer as Roseanne experienced her first big thrill with the opportune Cornell, Johnny-on-the-spot like a fox in the chicken coop savoring his supper whilst the farmer is away.

  
  

  V
  

  • 
    
  • 
    
  • 
    
  • 
    

  ---

The Royos

 

 

 

 

 

Rose met the Castanettas at the Belmont. Fresh from a day at the track, in the cool retreat of the hotel bar, under a dark corner ceiling fan, they struck up a chat about a song - Abscent Heart??? ...or some such. The group that sang it, no one knew. Sad, they all agreed.
Lucy was the talker, a regular little chatterbox whereas Ben was cordial but minded his beer. Let the girls talk. He was a quiet and patient man.
All in from out of town, they from Chappaquiddick and she from St Lou' .
The bartender, Roger, white shirt sleeves rolled high, and dark suspenders, hovered patiently and wiped the bar when he was not serving.

Business was midday slow so he welcomed their company and piped in often. A colorful character, he peppered the conversation with big city tales, mostly off-color but nobody seemed to mind, in fact they came to encourage something risque.

They had a hoot.

They had a toot.

They had a rooty-toot-toot

It was just too, too, tumultuous,

rapidly spiraling downward

cascading into rage

senseless damage

senseless pain,

came -

              “Abstract Heart”......... by The Royos

 

We got Ben to blame.

 

 

 

V

 

 

 

Less Mess

There is no form so

Don't preach me no formula

THEY do not believe in that bullshit

THEY just want to be heard

They don't voice a comma

or know a compound

They could care...

so just carry on, they tell me

when it's all I can do to keep up

They prefer to work the night shift

No sense of time on that side

Tap me on the shoulder

say wake up, you're late

sally forth soldier

stay awake, stay alive

'Where the bloody hell

you been, mate?'

Yack, yack....the voices snap

they all want to be heard

Let me speak

Just keep up

You don't need the sleep

Stay awake ! Stay Awake!

Tap...tap...Tap away!

Come on!

Are you getting this?

Or is it slipping away?

Ha, ha! That's what I thought!

...who found this moron?

What's your Word count?

Absurd amounts

Absurdity mounts

The chorus Doesn't care

Not a scintilla

New words

fill the page

Screw words

need words

would love to know

a more mellow flow

but, no...

they simply

spew few words

Type, you bastard, type

Voices loom

in the dark corners of the room

Keep up

Don't drift off

You can make up for it tomorrow

....But I can't, not really

It's a BS conspiracy

A poor joke played on me

They know what aspiration

they demand inspiration

What Inspired lunacy means to me

when lunacy requires no justification

I do not prattle on, THEY do!

I just write what they tell me to

And if you don't like it

they say...

You know what to do

With your forms

your norms

your formulas -

“FUCK YOU!”

that's what they say

That's them talking

Not me

 

So go ahead

fire away

let the last voice speak

if you've anything

left to say

 

We're quick

to kill messengers

in case they get in the way

and it's decidedly

less messy,

a lot less messy,

that way.

V