grab on

You know, I never wanted to go there in the first place. Never bought a ticket. A fellow bum, some stranger with a friendly face stuck out his arm and yelled grab on so I did and here I landed. Not my plan. I could not tell you in that moment where the train was headed, not even in a general direction of north, east, south, or west…I never knew.

Okay so I landed wrong. I jumped; broke a bone and they nabbed me. Plenty wrong. Hit the switcher and gouged my groin, I was looking back…and I just learned not to.

I landed here yesterday. What is it you want? If it happened before that I wasn’t here, and if it happened after that, I have been in the hospital or incarcerated, since. I have no alibi for ‘what I know not I do’…if some male fitting my description was seen in the area, then you should be looking for him, because that’s a solid lead and I am eliminated! There you go – get on the case. Bring your bloodhounds in here, tell them to take a good look at this face, and send them on their way. Take to the hills! Go get this bastard!

But it’s not me. Not close to being me. I am a convenience that dropped in your lap at the precise and opportunistic moment.

People usually avoid me. I tend not so much to avoid attention, as I think more so, to repulse it. I am making sense to you?

Did you just acknowledge? Did I see a hint of a response? I did!

What was that movie? You know, "I ain't no monster…"or whatever it was he said. Fucking Quasimodo around here…

I am an honorable man. I have had several careers and accomplished some success in each. I am a broken man because of health and misfortune. I blame no one except for the fates and I am no believer there to begin with. It happens. The twist of a knife, the bend of an ear….the slice, the whisper…which one to fear? I was killed with whispers…with promises…mere pouches of dust.

Grab on he yelled, what have you got to lose? And by god in that moment I knew he knew me and all my suffering. I saw my suffering in his eyes and a hint of my hope there too. Desperate times when you see hope in the eyes of a stranger. I do not deny my desperation. But you got to grab on and let it carry you away. What choice is there?