Whichever way the ball bounces...

 

Ray did not like his profile. Not the ‘digital profile’ that might contain a bio, and, had a face to it – he liked that picture, it was a good angle, and a fluke, at that. But the truth of the matter was, his ‘Physical’ profile, didn’t suit him.

He saw the slope of the forehead, bulging eyes, the sharp nose, wide mouth, and the ‘receding jaw line’. He had a wide head, with a mass of hair. It was abnormally large for his body.

 He took it all in. Standing, nude, before the mirror, he was not oblivious to the reflection, but, rather, resigned to the obvious. All in good spirits. But at his age…no way. Twenty years a virgin be…last encounter he could recollect… and, a hopeless cause since.

He spoke to himself, often:

Okay, everybody get casual, have a beverage, and relax. Don’t let me freak you out. I’m as normal as they come, and I know how to have a good time. We got tunes, snacks…and hey, Game’s on! Wanna’ watch the game?! Sure let’s watch the game! Great idea!

And such was the evening’s entertainment. It might vary, but only the channel or the event, but not the routine. The routine was set.

Then there came ‘a knocking’ on the door. At first, not recognizable beyond the din of the game, but it grew louder and so persistent, it became a distraction, and he had to turn the sound Down.

He found his bathrobe, threw it half-on, and opened up. Shit.

Standing before him was a striking brunette. (Striking by his standards, which amounted to nil, but in this case, a fair assessment). Finding her staring at his dangling…robe…still half-open, and not the best half, either, he set randomly about to correct the situation, and was ‘presentable’ in about …oh…a minutes time. She did seem to enjoy the show while it lasted. But, alas, he gathered himself,

“No ladies here, if you’re selling something…”is the best he could come up with.

“I’m not.”

“…Church Mission?”

“Ha! Hardly…”

“Then, what do you want?”

“Blunt, but hospitable.”

“Huh…? ”

“Was that the game I heard? That Beverly kid still pitchin’? Kid’s gonna’ carry them to the pennant.”

“The Game? Yeah, …yes, it’s on. Care to watch?”

“You kiddin'?  Pop me a brewski, and plop me down!”

It was the girl of his dreams, and his every desire.

“My, my, my…you know how to surprise a guy…”

“If my introduction has been too rude, I hope you’ll let me make it up. Seventh inning stretch is on me, Darlin’ ”

It was the top of the second, but he was willing to wait it out.

“Whichever way the ball bounces,” she says.

V