Stir

koiriot3

grab on

You know, I never wanted to go there in the first place. Never bought a ticket. A fellow bum, some stranger with a friendly face stuck out his arm and yelled grab on so I did and here I landed. Not my plan. I could not tell you in that moment where the train was headed, not even in a general direction of north, east, south, or west…I never knew.

Okay so I landed wrong. I jumped; broke a bone and they nabbed me. Plenty wrong. Hit the switcher and gouged my groin, I was looking back…and I just learned not to.

I landed here yesterday. What is it you want? If it happened before that I wasn’t here, and if it happened after that, I have been in the hospital or incarcerated, since. I have no alibi for ‘what I know not I do’…if some male fitting my description was seen in the area, then you should be looking for him, because that’s a solid lead and I am eliminated! There you go – get on the case. Bring your bloodhounds in here, tell them to take a good look at this face, and send them on their way. Take to the hills! Go get this bastard!

But it’s not me. Not close to being me. I am a convenience that dropped in your lap at the precise and opportunistic moment.

People usually avoid me. I tend not so much to avoid attention, as I think more so, to repulse it. I am making sense to you?

Did you just acknowledge? Did I see a hint of a response? I did!

What was that movie? You know, "I ain't no monster…"or whatever it was he said. Fucking Quasimodo around here…

I am an honorable man. I have had several careers and accomplished some success in each. I am a broken man because of health and misfortune. I blame no one except for the fates and I am no believer there to begin with. It happens. The twist of a knife, the bend of an ear….the slice, the whisper…which one to fear? I was killed with whispers…with promises…mere pouches of dust.

Grab on he yelled, what have you got to lose? And by god in that moment I knew he knew me and all my suffering. I saw my suffering in his eyes and a hint of my hope there too. Desperate times when you see hope in the eyes of a stranger. I do not deny my desperation. But you got to grab on and let it carry you away. What choice is there?

April '57

It was April 17 1957. There were six men. Very large men. A car pulled up. Doors opened and they were in the street. Hulking figures in long dark coats, hands the size of cinderblocks. Menace took possession of the moment. No one ventured a look from the walkups. Some closed curtains or windows, but all diverted their eyes. No one to bear witness. It was Good Friday, but a man screamed, his day shot to hell. Shredding flesh and sensibility, the thunder, the cacophony, then stopped, the sulfurous fog lingering as the big sedan drove ahead. While a crumpled mass bled away. No, not a very good Friday for some, not for the one departed, not for those that stayed.

BC

Becoming Common

High fliers often falter

When the upper winds alter

Catch a gentle updraft

And you might 
just last

A glimmer!

For a moment 
wings shimmer

In the Glory of the sun
At Apex

...but take it not as an omen

That some new life has begun

Your decline,

So Soft 

So delicate

a slow

and

steady

downward

spiral

…until the string snaps

and you tumble 

Preeminently mortal

earth’s core portal

pines for your box

whilst the winds

wish your ashes

instead

Not to feel diminished

Not to feel regret

Your life is where you finished

No One passes the final test

JUST CONCLUSION

Alay yerself

before ya 

question sane

place yer soul at the door

 and hope it don’t 

get pricked by blame.

 T’wern’t yer fault,

yet jes the same

 somebody poor,

someone addled,

some wretched soul

will have to pay

Restitution 

for the masses

Wear the heavy 

mantle

Go saddled 

with the shame

Satiates the bosses

And a just conclusion

for the vain

who’da thought

they’d be so clever

n’ maybe get away

SHANG LO

 You know the slogan: Meet me at MIDNIGHT? Big wigs and the movie stars haunted the place for years. It’s all about her.

She was as mean as she was beautiful. She was mean because she had a weakness, and she defended herself before it was exposed. Only she wasn’t too good at it – the  hiding, not the defending. Nothing wrong with her Defense.

I took a seat, and tested it:

He said he met some blonde at this bar.

So I’m supposed to be this some blonde?

Not to me, it’s just what he said.

Oh? And what am I to you?

A blonde female Caucasian, 5’7’’, about one …

Be careful with this next number, mister.

…twenty.”

“Eighteen, but close enough. What else did this guy say about ‘ said blonde’ ?”

It was a one night stand, doesn’t remember much, but that you had…

What?

…a good mouth.

Pig.

Sorry.

Not you, him.

I assumed so.

I asked for it.

Trouble?

That too.

He said you were very inebriated. Sloppy Drunk, was his exact term.

I do that – I’m a blackout drunk. One of my many shortcomings.

Self pity another one?

Up yours. Who are you to…?

Sorry, you’re right. I had no right crossing that line, but if I could venture a guess I suspect a foul mouth might be another...

Yeah, but that’s not what he said, is it?

Quite the opposite.

Gawd, I am so embarrassed…no,  ashamed…so ashamed of myself. I’m behaving like a whore, and I’m too old for that.

No one’s perfect, we…

No, no platitudes, please. I know how I act sometimes, and I deserve what I get. Just another in a long line of losers…

I don’t know the rest of the line, but you pegged this guy.

Apparently I did a lot more than that.

According to him, yes, you did. And you can’t remember?

I remember meeting the guy but…no.

Is it possible you were drugged?

A Mickey? I suppose, but given my history…Gawd, why am I telling all this to you? You really must think me awful.

I don’t judge. That’s not my job. That is usually left up to the magistrate in this town.

Okay.  But you are human, right ? You must have opinions...

Which I try to keep to myself.

…but sometimes unsuccessfully.

…sometimes unsuccessfully. That certainly is not the case when I’m working, however.

And this is work?

It’s not hard work, but it is employment, yes.

So I can’t buy you a drink?

No. And I thought you had a problem with that combination; men and drink.

Strangers, I have a problem with strangers. You aren’t a stranger, are you?

We just met. You don’t know anything about me. We have had a, (looks at watch) …not even a ten minute conversation.

I just offered to buy you a drink, not give you head…

Ah-ah. See? There you go. One thing leads to another. Let’s leave it and both get back to the topic-at-hand, shall we? Describe this guy, if you will…

If I can, you mean

to the best of…

To the best of my abilities, under the circumstances?

Well?

Dark. I like them dark. And no that’s not for your sake, either, it’s just a preference.

I believe it.

Six …six two…but thin. Not skinny, more….gaunt.

White, Latin, fair skinned black?  Mediterranean, Middle Eastern?

Not Black. Not Latino. Maybe Italian…Spanish…maybe Middle Eastern, but not just-off-the-boat. Not off-the-rack, either. This guy was Uptown US of A. Smooth, cocky. No actor, just the real deal. Wait a minute. If he told you I was some slut, then how come you don’t know what he looks like?

He talks, and word gets around.

Aw…Gees…

Bartender told me. I had him call me when you came back to the bar. He said you two had your share that night.

“Come back? You knew I would? They…we…always do, don’t we,” while shooting an icy stare the bartender’s way, causing him to go briskly about his business, shining bottles.

He says he told no one else…only me, and only because I asked. That, and he didn’t much like the guy.

You pay him?

I tipped him. Difference. Nothing was promised.

Nothing is ever promised, but certain assumptions are made.”

Is that how it is?

What…what do you mean exactly?

Man buys you a drink…

What? Are you kidding? (…her laugh, hearty, naughty.) One-thing-leads-to-another, Love. That night it was way past a drink…past  five or six drinks. That’s usually where the shady area begins…just before nightfall.

Nightfall?

When things start to go dark…

So somewhere in the process of downing at least six drinks, did you ever pause to relieve yourself.

What do you think?

How many times?

I…uh..

Don’t remember

Hell no.

…but more than three?

Probably.

So it was probable he sat alone with your drinks, or refreshed the glass on the table.

Sure. If I’d known the outcome, I would have slipped him one when he went all those times…

He left frequently….

At one point I thought he preferred the men’s room to mine…

But you were mistaken.

Once again.

Okay, I’ll match you. I’ll have that drink after all.

Thought you were working. Looking to get laid?

Looking to figure a few things out. The rest is not in the cards…but it is in the contract.

No fraternizing with trollops?

All this, and you went to law school too?

Dennis! Come here, Dennis. You little dick, Dennis. Get me and this gentleman…no need to introduce him to you, Dennis….two Rob Roys. That okay with you Slugger?

I was thinkin’ Roy Rodgers, but what the heck, bring on the Robs.

Tear up that contract, honey. I’m three drinks ahead of you.

That’s why it’s kept in a vault, baby. And that’s also why we are stopping at one more. Don’t want to be in that shady area tonight.

Dennis arrives with drinks. “Next round is coffee, Dennis. Thanks.”

“Snitch,” she hissed at him, “talking to cops…”

“He’s no cop, Glo. He’s private.”

The drink caught me flush in the face, a reaction I should have considered but did not.

“A private…

…Investigator.

Private Prick!

You know, I think it’s 'Dick'...

“Believe me, it’s Prick!  You got some fuckin' nerve..." and with that she rose and staggered defiantly toward the elevator lobby.

Guess I just saw her mean streak coming…and going.  Either way, It was a thing of beauty,

She walked to the elevator – and presses the button - she was going UP…we were in the penthouse, the Midnite Sky …but this was a second elevator, off in small alcove of it’s own. He catches the door before it closes. She holds a key dangling from a red ribbon.

“Private elevator…from here on” she said, and the suggestion hung there like the key.

To where? What’s beyond the Midnite Sky?

Maybe Heaven.

…and maybe Hell?

Hahhah  very clever.

^ UP ^

Afterwards we stood on the rooftop balcony, sharing the view and a cigarette, which is another temptation I thought I beat...

Her jasmine melding with the drift rising from the chopstick kitchen next door. I was hungry and she knew it.